CONTROL FREAKS

We are all control freaks.   Until we aren’t anymore.

I love the movie, “When Harry Met Sally“.   I can’t help myself but at least it’s a conscious decision.  I simply love romantic comedies, “rom-com’s”, because we know how they are going to end.   Love always wins.

Been through, on both ends, some challenging relationships.   Once I started to understand the Master Key System, I made a conscious decision to watch “ro-co’s”, [or rom-coms as The Fabulous Davene never fails to correct me], because, at heart, I am a hopeful romantic, [why be a hopeless romantic?], who understood, somehow, that long term humor needs to be a factor.

So I started focusing on them… watching them over and over and over as I drifted off to sleep after doing my reading and studying of the ‘world within’.   Made a conscious decision to focus on romance and love instead of “relationship” … hey, if Haanel was right and we manifest what we think about….why not think about romance and love.   Besides, it was clear to me that whatever my “stuff” with relationships was… poor picker, poor mate, poor at intimacy… no matter, relationships just did not bring to me what I desired.

Which was?

Romance and fun….and KNOWING, in every fiber of my being, that is was going to “work out” in the end.  Just like the movies 🙂 And you always know, when watching a “rom-com” that if it is NOT working out, it simply is not the end!   How cool would that be?  I mean, how cool would it be to really know it was going to be fun, funny and, despite challenges, it was going to work out beautifully!

But that was easy… singular, if you will.

How come I could figure that out….but when it came down to what I wanted to do with my life I was so damn indecisive?   Why was I delaying, often delaying by writing hundreds and hundreds of wonderful words that said nothing – and defending those words 🙂   Criticizing the person trying to help me as being heartless, lacking insight into the depths of me!  LMAO.  Little did I know at the time it took a lot of heart and courage to offer suggestions knowing either pouting or anger was going to be returned by me, mostly both at once. 🙂

WE ARE ALL CONTROL FREAKS UNTIL…

Turns out I was not being indecisive at all… I was just a control freak.

We all are… until we aren’t.

There is a great line, one of many actually, in that movie.

Harry: There are two types of women.  High maintenance and low maintenance.

Sally: Which one am I?

Harry:  You’re the worst kind.  You are very high maintenance but you think you’re low maintenance

Sally:  I just want things the way that I want them.

Harry: High maintenance

We are not only control freaks but we all believe we are not.

DHARMA

So? What is your dharma? … Really, what is your purpose?

Why is this so hard?

The accertation here is the “cement buddha” or, if you perfer, the River of Dreams is running the show.  It’s not our fault.  We’ve be pounded for so long by schools, institutions, parents who are by-products of the same consumerism machine and the government to “fit in” … that we simply have not thought about it our purpose, or, in my case….simply had not actually “thought” for years for myself.

Actually decades.

The matrix of others’ blueprints is confusing and overwhelming.  Let’s get honest here; thinking about “how to” manage our day is not “thinking” at all.  New word for you … ready?  Trying to manage our day or week is “sheeping” not thinking.  Sheep trying to fit in.  I’ll never forget the day I figured out I could drop my dry cleaning off at 6 AM…and felt so “smart” because … well, you know.  Reconfiguring a schedule for a life I did not love, like or want is not thinking… it is merely trying to find more convenient ways to “fit in”… to be a more efficient “sheep among sheep” LOL

All, as in 100%, of control issues are fear based.  And indecision is the worst…with others around us in our lives….indecision controls them, to varying degrees….

So, what do you want?

Even more befuddling is …’what are your two biggest personal pivotal needs?’

What is your heart’s desire?

Sadly, many of us don’t even know how to process this simple question.

Funny, when we were 5 or 6 years old….our response was instantaneous!

What happened?

No matter.

What matters is….Mark.. Fred…Joanne…”Are you happy?”

File that one under “C” for curveball for most people…..

If we hesitate on that one…..it’s a dead give away….”no”

AM I IGNORANT?

Then….BAM!  Haanel hits me square in the chops…..in the intro to lesson 2 …..

“Our difficulties are largely due to confused ideas and ignorance of our true interests.”

OMGoodness! I don’t know what I want or what my heart’s desire is.  Hell, I don’t even know if I am happy… and it’s all linked to my confusion about what I want and what I am truly interested in – think dharma!

Then Haanel blows me away …

2-3: “The subconscious soul, like a benevolent stranger, works and makes provision for our benefit, pouring only the mature fruit into our lap; thus ultimate analysis of thought processes shows that the subconscious is the theatre of the most important mental phenomena.”

Double BAM!

My life is a movie, a reflection of the ‘subconscious theatre‘ and it’s the author of my autobiography… or I default to someone else’s ideas, someone else’s script.

Why would I do that?

Simple… I’ve got someone to blame if I don’t like it.

Ut-oh… we only get one shot.

Who can I really trust to design this movie?

Really?

I remember the fear and excitement this revelation triggered simultaneously way back in the mid-90’s.

Then, like a bolt out of the blue, I confessed… to myself while falling to me knees… I was a control freak of the worst possible kind.

No idea, no idea whatsoever what my needs were or what I was truly interested in and as far as dharma?  Well, that was just too big.  Way to big.

And two words popped into my head as I re-read lesson two.

Slow down.

YIPPEE

Just becoming aware that I was reacting to life… by making a living…..and I had not thought… as I did as a kid… about what I really want and how it would effect others around me was, despite the fear it initially carried, was, in fact, a treasure!

I get to be romantic… to fall in love with the idea, the single thought that I have not been thinking… and to slow down and to learn to think….and with some consistent effort… I might can will for sure discover what my heart’s desire is and how that may help me and by extension those around me.

And, if I struggle, so be it!  Because, you see, in the end, like a “rom-coms” it will turn out fine in the end… and if it’s not turning out fine?  It simply is not the end.

Confessing I was a control freak was about the best thing I ever did.  Oh, sure, it did not stop right away, but as I was learning in the lessons… I could either continue to try and control the world…or learn to control myself by controlling my thoughts…

So, all you fellow control freaks…

You wanted control…

Well, now you’ve got it.

You really do.

Right now, right this second.

You’ve got total control

Ready?

Set?

GO…

What do you want?

I mean, the bills are paid, the debt is gone, the retirement funding is secured; take a deep, deep breathe…

What do you want?

believe

mark januszewski

world’s laziest networker