TIME TO STEP UP

It happens everytime…..well, almost everytime…..virtually every lesson is “my favorite.”

But really….lesson 8, focused on the value and insights into imagination …..while quietly expressing that nothing will change without it…..I just love….it is my favorite…..whoops, there I go again.

It wasn’t the first time.

It was hard…..

It scared me…..I was freightend…..tremors and terror raced through my being, from head to toe.

Now I love it….look forward to it……I often find myself in lessons 4, 5 or 6 thumbing ahead to read the 6 sentences that  with the word….the big, great, limitless word…..Imagination.

6. The imagination will be found to be a great assistance in this direction; the cultivation of the imagination leads to the development of the ideal out of which your future will emerge.

7. The imagination gathers up the material by which the Mind weaves the fabric in which your future is to be clothed.

8. Imagination is the light by which we can penetrate new worlds of thought and experience.

9. Imagination is the mighty instrument by which every discoverer, every inventor, opened the way from precedent to experience. Precedent said, “It cannot be done;” experience said, “It is done.”

10. Imagination is a plastic power, molding the things of sense into new forms and ideals.

11. Imagination is the constructive form of thought which must precede every constructive form of action.

WHY DID I GET SCARED?

Reading this the very first time….my heart is pumping, I’m thinking …..wow……’your future is to be clothed’…..wow……’opened the way…….wow…..’your future will emerge’…..and wow-wow-wow ‘penetrate new worlds’…..beautiful.  Elegant.  Stunning choice of words.

Then I get to 12…..sitting at my kitchen table, my eyes well up…..I want a different outcome, a different life……and I wasn’t trying to ‘get away’ from what I had, I didn’t hate my life or boss or feel alone….my hope in the undertaking was that I could “improve” some of the conditions and, relax the financial stress, spend more time with the kids….be a better dad by being around more often, stress free or at least managable….and BAM…..the pie in the face….feeling humliation….a wasted life flashes before me …damn that subby, never forgets a damn thing…..

That horrible and wonderful moment of shame and hope….simultaneously courses through every fiber of my being

I’m weak…..so shame takes over…..I try to get to that flickering feeling of hope…..but…..well, you know…..it’s vanity…..

I don’t want anyone to know….

I want to rationalize it away….the shame, lots of it for some reason

I want to pretend the circumstances are ones I did not create so I can justify …..

But I can’t…..I’ve got too much Haanel in me at this point….

So 12?

12. A builder cannot build a structure of any kind until he has first received the plans from the architect, and the architect must get them from his imagination

QUITE A COUPLE, ODD MAN OUT

Combining 12 and the phrase “penetrate new worlds” is the cause of the terror….I realize all the things I wanted…..all the things I wanted to change…..all the improvements …..all of everything….had NOTHING to do with new worlds…..

And, no…..this isn’t some ‘think bigger’ feeling going on…..

I simply did not have an imagination….

I sat there and thought….and thought……and thought….and I could not remeber a time I had thought about anything except the conditions in my life…..what I’d like to see more of, less of….eliminated…..and any ‘add-ons’ were, really…..all connected to the current conditions….

Waking up and feeling good about the investment I was making daily in the lessons came to a grinding halt.

I was frozen…..shamed…..ashamed……terrified that I had no real imagination …..and……if the “structure” cannot be built ……until the architect forks over the plans…..and the architect “must get them from his imagination” ….where does that leave someone without an imagination.

Is my life merely going to be reduced to tinkering with what I have…..is my purpose in life, really, to improve something I really don’t have passion for?

BAM! BAM! BAM!

There it was…..passion……

How did that word, in this near panic-depression……pop into my mind?

THE REAL CHALLENGE

OK….been training my brain and learning the 7 Laws of the Mind

Law of Relaxation pops in….yeah….that’s it….relax.

I go to the same place, sit….and shut down the race mind…..

This is good….

Whoops…race mind is back….

Relaxation….starting to relax now….

Race mind…..

I can win….I can do this…..I’ve been doing this for 2 months….

I did this for the first 4 weeks….everyday….

I know I can do this….

Oh…idea….smile!

I smile…..

I relax…..

I know that when the creator makes the call…..to be of service…..He pays the expenses, provides the ways and means or the ability to meet them easily….

The cement has cracked on the Buddha…..I no longer feel terror or shame…..

I realize this is my moment…..right now….right this second….and all I have to do is get out of the way…..

The preface of lesson two flashes through my mind…..now I’m loving that ‘subby’ never forgets…

“Our difficulties are largely due to confused ideas and ignorance of our true interests” …..and, it’s not the first time that one has flashed into my mind….

Only it’s different….really different because

….well…..because I know…..I know where my true interest in life is….

It’s been whispering to me for years…..without realizing it, I’ve even spoken of it many times.

Teach.

I don’t know how but the idea that teaching….[teachers made around $40,000 at that time in Massachusetts]…..would not be enough to support myself and the kids never crosses my mind….because I know that when we find out true place in the world, our dharma……that the Master Architect will provide the ways and the means….

OWN IT

I don’t think about the methods….a massive departure for me…..

I begin to shape a vision…..that I can live where I want…..and do what I love…..and my eyes well up….

And 8 becomes my favorite lesson…..

I realize I do have an imagination and the price I am paying, daily…..is paying off, right now…..

And while I get to do what I love….I get a bigger gift…..being surrounded by amazing members in a mastermind who are teaching me more than, well, than they can imagine…..and penetraing those new worlds for me and with me…..and inspiring me….constantly.

“Imagine……it’s easy if you try” John Lennon

keep giving to keep growing

believe

mark januszweski